ihave a crush
by bloodluva666
Summary: Sam is listening to Carly's ipod and comes across a song that makes her think about a certain tech-geek who is very sexy and then loses control.


**A/N**: I'm bored and suffering from writers block. Please tell me what u think.

**Summary**: Sam is listening to Carly's ipod and comes across a song that makes her think about a certain tech-geek(who is very sexy) and then loses control.

**Disclaimer**: I own nothing. I am but a lowly worshipper who wishes too much. Song is crush by mandy moore.

I've always had a thing for Freddie. I'm not sure what it is about him that draws me in, but I think of him a lot. Of course, it's probably just some glitch in my brain, and I definitely don't, DO **NOT**like him. Because, well I'm Sam Puckett, and Sam Puckett does not like losers like Freddie Bensen.

"I'm bored, Carly! What am I supposed to do while your out helping Spencer?" the main reason why I didn't want her to go was because if she did then I would have no one to distract me from my thoughts. They really were getting out of control.

"Here, listen to this." She tossed her ipod at me and started to walk away throwing a casual, "see you later Sam" over her shoulder. I took a breath and held it as I started to go through all her songs looking to find a depressing one to try and not think of anything. That's when a very quiet and seemingly depressing song came on that caught my attention and made me think of Freddie again but I couldn't bring myself to change it. It _described _everything almost perfectly.

_Oh oh_

_Yeah yeah yeah_

_Oh oh_

_Oh oh_

_You know everything that I'm afraid of_

_You do everything I wish I did_

_Everybody wants you, everybody loves you_

Well I did say almost.

_I know I should tell you how I feel_

_I wish everyone would disappear_

_every time you call me_

_I'm too scared to be me_

I remember when he called me to remind me about icarly rehearsals and I totally flipped out when I realized it was him calling from Carly's cell and not her. I stuttered a lot and made some random excuse that I can't remember now as to why I didn't sound normal.

_And I'm too shy to say_

_Oooo I've got a crush on you_

_I hope you feel the way that I do_

_I get a rush when I'm with you_

_Oooo I've got a crush on you_

_A crush on you_

I don't want to tell him because I know he doesn't like me back. Rejection and I aren't exactly strangers, but I know I really should tell him.

_You know that I'm the one that you can talk to_

_Sometimes you tell me things that I don't want to know_

_I just want to hold you_

_You say exactly how you feel about her_

_I wonder, could you ever think of me that way_

Everyday, he says some thing about how much he loves Carly. Lately though, I've been imagining the Name Sam instead of Carly. I wonder if it could ever happen.

_I've got a crush on you_

_I hope you feel the way that I do_

_I get a rush when I'm with you_

_Oooo I've got a crush on you_

_A crush on you_

It isn't anything else. It can't be. He isn't my type. The only girls that should be attracted to him are skankbags like Valerie and Shannon.

_Oooo I wish I could tell somebody _

_But there's no one to talk to_

_Nobody knows I've got a crush on you_

_A crush on you_

I can't tell Carly, she'd flip and continuously say that I should tell Freddork. I can't do that. Rejection from a geek? No thank you.

_I gotta crush on you_

_I've gotta crush on you_

_You say everything that no one says_

_I feel everything that your afraid to feel_

_I will always want you I will always love you_

It all fits! Well, almost all, but most. Why does he have to like Carly? Not me? What's wrong with me anyway?

"I'm nice, funny, strong so I can take care of myself yeah but I like to know someone cares. I'm a girl too, or is he just too blind to see that?!" I was staring at the ceiling listening to the song again.

"Who's too blind to see that you're a girl?" an agonizingly familiar voice said from behind me causing me to jump fifty feet out of my skin, the headphones to fall out of my ears and made me whirl around to come face to face with the boy who is haunting my thoughts.

"WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?! YOU DON'T JUST COME WALTZING IN HERE WITHOUT KNOCKING AND THEN SCARING PEOPLE! IT'S JUST NOT RIGHT! AND WHY ARE YOU HERE ANYWAY? WHO LET YOU IN?" I was so freaked out and my breathing was irregular, plus my mind was very much aware the we were alone with no one to interrupt us, and so was my body because it was pulling towards him in a very noticeable way.

"I came up in the elevator to check up on the pop up vids for icarly tomorrow and I didn't mean to scare you." Well, I guess it wasn't that noticeable. "So you didn't answer my question."

My eyes were trained to his lips, they were perched in a frown but still with a smile that only Freddie can do. Me eyes never once wavered as I said, "What question?"

"Who's too blind to see that you're a girl?" Is it just me or does he sound closer.

"It's none of your business." I try to put some roughness into my voice but it only comes out as neutral.

"Sam, are you okay? W-why are you walking towards me, and what's with that look?" His mouth is closing. It's so alluring, I have to have a taste. Just one, I can stop anytime. Nothing will change, it doesn't mean I like him or anything.

So before my mind can come up with a comment, my lips are on his. My hands are in his hair pulling him closer to me, I press my body against his. We hit a wall and that's perfect so I can press even closer to him, I need to feel every inch of our fronts touching. My tongue traces his bottom lip I don't need his permission, but I want it. I want him. His mouth opens to allow my tongue access. Tongues touching, battling for dominance in a silent dance of passion.

I need more, I have to feel more, touch more. More of him. My hands leave his hair and travel down to the hem of his shirt. Never once breaking the kiss but stepping back and lifted his shirt over his head. A semi-second passed where we weren't touching at all and it was torture, I threw his shirt across the room and pressed up against him once more, my mouth now wondering. I lick his neck, bite down roughly in my blinds of passion making him gasp and say, "Sam." It was so breathless, it was full of lust. It was everything I needed to hear to go on. But it was also what brought me crashing back to earth, reality. I was making out with the nerd that I hated. _HATED!!_ People who hate each other don't do this!

I pulled back from him as if he'd burned me, I looked into his confused eyes, then turned around and fled. I had to go, I ran down the stairs over to the door, threw it open and passed Spencer and Carly in my haste. I didn't even stop when Carly said something. I just ran to the bus stop ready to go home. But the thought of sitting still made me itch all over so I took off at a walk towards my house images and feelings from just a few minutes ago flooded my mind, so I sped up to a faster pace I passed a movie theatre where it was just finishing and couples were walking out, holding hands and touching, a few of the couples were leaning against the building making out bringing fresh feelings to the surface and I full out ran. I went to my house first, but sitting still up in my room was not that appealing, so I went into the woods. (A/N: I doubt she'd have woods behind her house but just imagine that in this story she does.)

I ran deep into the trees until I came across a very high looking tree that was easy to climb. Up and up I went until I was at the very top, tears were falling down my face as I threw out my fists at the tree as if it were holding me captive, like it was the reason I have all these emotions and thoughts that won't leave me alone. It wasn't until my fists were bloody and soar that I stopped thrashing, I knew I couldn't climb down from the tree until me hands were less soar and I couldn't jump from this height unless I wanted to die. I didn't want to die. Nice thought, but I won't do it. Suicide is not me. My pocket is vibrating and singing, I pull out my phone to see that Freddy is calling me I press ignore and realize that he's called four other times. I take a shuddering breath, a sob escapes my lips and then look at the sky to see that it's really dark. Great, I think as I sigh getting as comfortable as I can on that branch because I can't get down.

I don't sleep at all that night and since I am sitting still my mind allows me to be plagued with thoughts of him and to remember earlier that day. Tears fall and I randomly wonder how many tears can fall at one time. All that night I think, shift to get comfortable and press ignore on my phone to his calls.

It's late the next day, we have icarly in three hours and he's still calling me.

Two hours until icarly and that's when Carly calls, I answer it my voice thick through my tears that are still falling. "Hey."

"Are you alright Sam? Freddie told me what happened, where are you?" Carly sounded sad and worried laced with confusion.

I looked around me and gave a weak laugh, "of course I'm not okay, and I'm uh, well, I'm kind of stuck right now so I might not make it to icarly, you can have someone sub for me if you want."

"What do you mean your stuck? Stuck how? Where? Why?" Now it was mostly just confusion in her voice.

"I'm, in a uh, tree. I ended up punching it to let out my anger and my hands aren't flexible enough right now to help me get down. And their still bleeding." I made a face at the gross mess that was my hands.

"Wait, still? How long have you been up there?"

"Since yesterday."

"Oh my gosh, Sam! Where are you? We'll be right there to get you!"

"By, 'we' I hope you mean you and the fire department."

"And Freddie." Why didn't she get that I don't want him here. He can't see me like this!

"NO! Not Freddie. I, um, I don't want to see him right now."

"Sam, he's going insane! You should really see him, he's a mess. So we'll be right there, where are you?"

"Um, really deep in my woods. I don't really know where I just ran randomly until I found the tallest tree to climb. I think I ran straight back from my house."

"Ok, we'll find you. Bye."

"Don't bring Freddie!"

"Goodbye Sam."

The line went dead interrupting my dying pleas. I sighed knowing that I was going to have to talk to him, I looked down at the ground and could just imagine myself jumping, landing on the ground and not having to talk to him or anybody else ever again. Sirens sounded in the distance as I leaned over a little bit more, the wind would cause my hair to blow back over my shoulders as I aim towards the ground. It would be so quick, so exhilarating, so final. But I wouldn't do it, I can't. I'm too much of a chicken. I lean back and rest my head against the tree and look up at the sky. I look back down at my hands, they were still bleeding and I was still crying. I felt so weak, I could tell that this wasn't good because I felt dizzy too. I looked down at the ground hoping to see someone yet, my vision was blurry from my crying but I was starting to see black spots as well. I just wanted to close my eyes and sleep, but a little piece of my mind was telling me to stay awake as if it were very important.

"SAM!" Freddie yelled up at me. I had to blink past the black spots a few times to actually see him. "THEY'RE ON THEIR WAY! HANG ON!" I could barely even nod now. My head hurt, and my hands were throbbing through all the dried and still running blood. He stood there, never once taking his eyes from me. I figured it was because nobody else was around, that was until Carly came running up to him and started yelling random things up at me. I didn't pay attention because he didn't seem to even waver from looking at me, I was his full attention. For once, I Sam Puckett came before Carly Shay in Freddie's eyes. That is what made me hang on, and pay a little bit more attention as the fire trucks sent up those large ladders with some guy on them.

"Can you move?" he asked me. I just looked at him, I didn't want to talk or move and I didn't think I could even if I tried. He moved forward onto the tree with me looking at my hands with widening eyes and taking in my vulnerable state. His hands reached out for me, all I could do was stare as his hands lifted me and moved us both back onto the ladder. I couldn't feel much as the ladder descended bringing us down to the ground and Freddie. I know we were still on the ladder when I gave into the darkness.

***************************************************

When I regained consciousness, I saw flowers and teddy bears and balloons, it was weird. Also, I was in a white room, my hands were bandaged, and someone was next to me. Looking over at the person I saw that it was Freddie, he was sleeping in the chair next to me, he looked gorgeous. A small smile graced my face as I reached over for him but my arm was pulled back because of an iv. I glared at the stupid needle as I huffed, then a nurse came in.

"Well, that boy never leaves does he? She probably won't be waking any time soon." Her sympathetic eyes that had been trained on Freddie then looked over at me and widened in disbelief. "Oh, your awake! HEY, DOCTOR! SHE'S AWAKE!" I didn't really see the big deal, but I like the attention. I looked back over at Freddie and saw him stirring. People were rushing in, but I ignored them. I was only interested in the boy next to me.

His eyes looked at me as if this was his routine or something, when he saw that I was awake he opened his mouth to speak (obviously) when he was ushered out of the room by the nurses. I frowned, I didn't want him to go. People were talking to me, but I just stared at the door willing him to come back in with my mind, but he didn't come back in, no one did. "Sam?" I looked at the doctor quickly then back at the door, where was Freddie?

The doctor was still talking but I didn't care, I wanted Freddie back in here, I had to see him. "W- where's Freddie? Why did you send him away? I want Freddie to come back. Bring him back!" I was babbling, I knew, but I wanted Freddie.

"He'll be back when we're done. Now, will you-"

"Well could you finish? I want to see Freddie!"

"Sam, please focus. We have to see if you have anything else wrong with you! We still-"

"I DON'T CARE! I LOST A LOT OF BLOOD! THAT'S ALL, OKAY? I WANT TO SEE FREDDIE, NOW BRING HIM BACK IN!" I was struggling against everything that was holding me down now, the damned needle, the bed sheets, the nurses.

"IS THAT SAM?! WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE LET ME BACK IN THERE! SHE WANTS TO SEE ME!! SAM?!" Freddie sounded like he was struggling against people. I glared hard at the doctors until they finally let Freddie back in. They left, I smiled. "Hey," he said through his smile, "you've been unconscious for a week. How are you feeling?"

"I feel fine, when can I go home?"

***************************************************************

I was lying on my bed a few days later, watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer listening to Xander as he said, "That's fine, I'm just going to go home and listen to country music. The music of pain." I sighed and let out a bitter laugh ain't that the truth I thought.

A knock sounded at my door that I ignored, I was ignoring everybody lately. The sound of my door knob turning made me look over and watch as Freddie walked in, a flash of heat washed over my face as I remembered the last time we were alone together in a room outside of the hospital. He walked over to my bed and sat down, making himself comfortable without my permission but I was too lost in memory to be agitated about the present. I looked back at the television. We sat in silence for a few minutes watching Buffy kick and let out those ridiculous fighting grunts that sound so fake it just makes me laugh until he finally spoke.

"Sam? We need to talk." He sounded hesitant. I said nothing. "About what happened the other week, up in the studio." I went rigid, but still said nothing. "Sam, talk to me. Please."

I sat up and turned off the TV. "There's nothing to talk about."

"what do you mean there's nothing to talk about?! You attacked me! You-"

"You didn't seem to be fighting back! You did nothing to stop me! Don't tell me you didn't enjoy it. Ok? We do not have to talk about this. Let's just forget all about it. It's that simple."

Freddie had a weird look on his face, it was making me uncomfortable. I didn't want to forget it, I didn't want to go back to the way we were. I stared at him for a few more minutes, he spoke again. "What if…. Um, what if I don't want to forget it?" My eyes were wide and my mind was running so I didn't notice it when he leaned in towards me.

His lips touched mine in a chaste kiss, as he pulled away he looked at me waiting for the beating, but I just smiled at him and leaned in towards him. Our lips met, for about a half-a-second it was normal until he deepened it, my tongue met his in the middle and our arms wound around each other. It was heated and passionate and I was so sure that it was fake so I pulled away from him, shocking him. "What about Carly? I thought you loved her? I don't want to just be your rebound girl." I was bitter because I was so sure that was just what I was.

"I thought that I love her too, when you left that day I couldn't stop thinking about you. While we had been kissing, I had felt amazing fireworks. It was amazing. Carly came up and found me dazed and shirtless, she asked me what was wrong but all I did was kiss her." I flinched at that but he steadied me with his gaze before continuing. "She was shocked but she kissed me back, and I felt nothing! Seriously, it was creepy." He let out a bitter laugh, "Sam, I realize that the girl I love is you. Your not a rebound girl, you're the girl. My girl. Well, that is if you want to be." He ended that looking rather awkward. I was smiling like a fool but I didn't care, he loved me! Freddie Bensen loves me!

I nodded eagerly and kissed him again.

Okay. So what did you think? I'm not a big fan of the ending, it's a lot happier than what I intended I was going to have her slip and fall out of the tree when she was leaning over but my friend told me that I should have a happy ending. She just broke up with her boyfriend and she didn't want this to end in tragedy.


End file.
